Jimmy

On the edge of Africa lay a jungle and in that jungle lay a lion  and I must say it was a particular gorgeous  lion Which had a glossy thick mane and exquisite fur.This lion was also very attractive and his name was Jimmy.Now lets get back to the story.Jimmy was strolling along the jungle floor eyeing anyone who didn't admire him.sooner after that he heard a noise.

It was the very sound of the click of a camera.Jimmy was quite startled by this sudden noise and had no idea what it was.Jimmy suddenly had a brainwave why not he thought defeat this nasty thing that makes a clicking noise and then all the people in the jungle  would love me more and not just for beauty. Jimmy thought of all the ladies and decided he would. for now he prowled along the jungle quietly .He now came across to two weird looking animals.They they both had manes but one of them were shorter and they were holding  the object that made a clicking  noise. Angrily Jimmy made a grab for the clicking noise. The odd animals  seemed surprised.Jimmy was more surprised when he saw they were standing on two feet.Jimmy did not know this but they were humans exploring the jungle as Jimmy did not know this and thought they were some sort of ladies so he battered this eyelashes and flicked his long glossy mane making quite a show.The humans were quite confused but went along with it. 10 years later Jimmy married  one of them and made friends with the other.

WHAT:was I learning ?

Miss Harris showed us a picture of a lion (the one above) and told us to write about the worst possible thing that could happen to this lion and of course it was his hair 

SO WHAT: describe what you learned.

I learnt how to use more descriptive words 

NOW WHAT:what do you think your next learning step is ?

Is to use better punctuation